You can never please 'em!

Hey'all!
The human psyche can be so weird...so puzzling and contradictory...
Before my diet, people would quietly criticize what I ate. There's the poker face (disapproving but not showing it), there's the polite look (of do you really need this?!), then there was the sympathetic look (awww hun, I know what you're going through...hang in there!).
Post diet, people will only do one thing: criticize me that I am NOT eating!
Well, dog'gone...can't ever please 'em! The decisions I make pre or post diet are my decisions alone. Why do people feel the need to butt in and take it on as part of their humanitarian aid efforts to 'help' the under privileged.  Yeah, sometimes we (dieting and non dieting population) don't really want your help. So go plague some other people with your unsolicited words and looks!
Baaahhhhh Humbug!

My new bod ;)

check this out!!!

Updates and more!

Wowweeeee! It's been a LONG time! And a LOT has been happening! I have been meaning to post updates but haven't got around to it. I was reading a very inspirational blogger and was like 'yo, I gotta do this...even if I've lost the interest of my followers (understandably when I don't make an effort to update!)...but I gotta let it rip'
Been MIA cause of:
-Dieting entailing all home cooked food (it's not easy! it eats up a lot of my time :P)
-Moving houses, dealing with a flood in the house, and ummm now another move...my landlord is a lying cheapo...getting really bad vibes from him and the house...so sayonara new house (which I have only been in for 2 months!). And hellooooo new beginnings! Let's see what awaits me ;)
-A lot of travelling for work and for fun ;) 
-And last but not least...a lotta of acting action and press coverage!

• launch of the 1st all female stand up comedy troupe in the middle east...and yes ladies and gents, we rocked the crowds over in laughter
• hosting a huge artistic dance endeavor where the dancers were so hawwwt that the house came down in flames...literally! yeah...evacuating the audience...dealing with disbelieving dancers...not good at all

What's hot and happening:
Yeah baby...I am on my journey of unloading the pounds! By the way, huge unbelievable will power. At least now it is confirmed that what I want I now how to get! I'm doing an allergy approach to dieting. Basically staying away from the foods that hurt my body type and blood type. It freaking works. I'm blown away. I had given up all hope: was exercising incessantly, living on chicken and salad, and sticking to veggie options for snacks. But it wasnt working. Where was I going wrong?! In all honesty, I dont know where I was going wrong. All I know is that this is SO going right. I have been alcohol free for 2.5 months (yeah a bit depressing...imagine me in Beirut in BO18 sober...I still had fun but not as much as my actual intoxicated potential would have allowed). Also, I am always the designated driver...happy side is that I am a safe sober driver! I have been carb free for 2.5 months (basically the only carbs I have are in the morning so I have energy for the remainder of the day). OH Oh ohhhhh anddddd I am eating FISH! Yes, it IS big news. I havent eaten fish since I was 7 years old. And now it is what I have everyday for lunch. It was hard at the beginning (still is sometimes). I basically feel my stomach scrunching up in agony every time I place a bite in my mouth(that could also be driving my weight loss...lack of appetite!). So now I eat grilled salmon, hammour, and sea bass. I have realized how i like my fish:
-boneless (i panic if i see the bones)
-skinless (totally grossed out if it's with skin)
-grilled and NOT fried. I accidentally had fried fish...and erghhhhhhh! I was going to die from the agony!
Other diet changes include having soya milk and no lactose milk. No diary products in general (I miss my feta!!!). Ofcourse no sweets, cakes, ice cream, etc. 
I'm not complaining. I have lost 10 kilos and went down 2 jeans sizes. I am loving it. I can bend down and tie my shoe lace! wooohooo! barty barty!

What's humid and dampening:

Well, I have been sober for a long time. I cant eat most foods (cant have dairy, carbs, any soda - diet or not diet -, any alcohol, any yoghurt, any sweets...). I dont have any vices left! No chocolate to drown my sorrows in...no alcohol to obliterate my surroundings...no comfort food...yes in my head I am swearing right now (very bad words and very loudly!). So, what do I have. sadly and not in line with my character, my only vice is cigarettes :(  Now how low is that? I need it when i go out to get some kinda buzz (it's sad to even type these words...I used to be my own drug - my own all inclusive self entertainment system - to create my own buzz with no external influences. and now I am reduced to this! Waaaaaaaaa!!!!! Chimney system...smoke filling heart attacking person! Another reason (and not an excusable one may i say) to smoke: appetite suppressant. i am monster. i have turned into a hog :( waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

another really bad situation i am in is lack of exercise. i can come up with a zillion excuses. but in life there are priorities and i have put exercising into the back burner. dont you ever think of doing that. exercise is a mood enhancer and energy booster. the adrenalin rush makes life look and feel good. so, yes, i am doing myself a mis-justice. i have to exercise. other than for the superficial excuse of looks (but i guess this whole blog is semi based on the superficial inclinations of physical appearances) but also for the soul. it's the chicken soup for the soul. the worm for the fish. the worm in the tequila. the flakes of gold in the goldschlager. ok, you get the point. i guess all preachers have their moments of weakness and submit to sloth. but i will overcome this sin. i will fight it. i will exercise. i will get a natural high. i will stop smoking so i can get that natural high without getting a freaking pulmonary attack first...

It took me 2 years to pile on the pounds. so, a few months of pain and self control is nothing in retrospect. i can do it. you can do it. if u really really want it. if u really really want to.

Ok, my rantings of sustenance (or the lack of) needs to sign off now. Hopefully my next update will NOT be in the next 2 months!

oh, by the way, my deadline for my blog and my dieting regiment was supposed to be 1st of July. That's next week. In case I dont write any other updates, I just want to say that I did it. I virtually pat myself on the back. I  seriously say, it can be done. Believe in yourself. And yes, unconventional methods might work. You just gotta keep on trying. There is always a way to get what you want. You just have to want it bad and to fight for it. Basically it is survival of the fittest ;)

You want flat abs...dont do ab exercises!!!

A colleague forwarded this video to me...and I thought that I def MUST share it! I should warn you that it goes against everything that I blog about...

The video is a bit long, but bear with it:
http://www.truthaboutabs.com/women-get-a-flat-stomach.html

So, this video/presentation is based on the expertise (or not!) of a trainer called Mike Geary. Here is his secrets for a lean body document:
http://www.fitwatch.com/ebooks/training-nutrition-secrets_FitWatch.pdf

So, let me know what you think. Lots of controversial stuff about this Mike Geary guy...heheheh, too funnny!

Shoe Shopping!

Girls LURV shoe shopping! Well, most girls that is...Shoe shopping for me is a trial and error process. It's all about style, design, and most importantly COMFORT. I think comfort is a key issue. Of-course I wont buy an ugly shoe just because it's comfortable. But I definitely wont buy a sexy or pretty shoe if it isn't comfortable. I mean I wouldn't feel confident wobbling around with my poor toesies squished to death in strappy stiletto sandals! Standing hours on end with the only thought occupying my mind is that I need to run (ok, ok, wobble) home to free my 10 loves.

Part of the whole comfort issue, is the one size DON'T fit all angle. So, what's 'comfortable' for one girl might not be considered 'comfortable' to another girl. My foot size is a 36 but i sometimes have to wear a 37 because I have wide feet. Actually the most perfect size is 36.5, which many shoe brands don't carry! Again, it's a trial and error issue. I just keep on trying till I find what I need (styling and comfing!).

What's the whole point of what I've written? What do shoes have to do with my blog?! I thought you would never ask!

Basically, I was trying to establish that based on Personality, Physicality,Threshold of pain, Comfort zones, and finally Style inclinations...there is NOT a one size fits all formula for shoe shopping. Point. Full stop. Now think of dieting! And make the link!

What works for you might not work for me. What works for me might not work for you. It's like freaking shoe shopping! We all got different feet! The long toed feet, the short feet, the wide feet, the pudgy feet, the long toed and big feet, etc, etc etc. So, what do we do?! Trial and error. Yes, me dears. Trial and error. Only experience and listening to your body will tell you what shoe (figuratively speaking) will fit you.

For now, I have stumbled upon a good fit ;)
It's a bit different than my regular norm, but hey, anything is possible. Really. I am now eating things I would have NEVER dreamt of even putting in my mouth. Yup yup. It can be done. I've learnt to never say never. The good news is that I've dropped a jeans size ;)

Never give up when you go shoe shopping. You never know what you might stumble upon.

HomeTown Phobia

Can a country be saturated with gorgeous, luscious, and slender people...yes it can! Yes it does exist! My hometown!  

I am normally super excited about seeing my friends, family, and loved ones...the vibe in my hometown is unbelievable. Everything is alive. Everybody is ready to be. to live. to love. 

The town that I love, with the people I adore, with the streets I crave for has become my fear. It terrorizes me at night. In my dreams. At work. 

In my hometown people start conversations with: hi, keefik? Ca va! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight! So, tell me who was the doctor? What, you got a plastic surgery loan from the bank? This type of conversation is not only limited to your close friends, it’s a tradition practiced by practically everyone…so I’ll be buying my groceries, minding my own business, and the grocer will come by and say: you’ve become so fat! You look big and juicy like a watermelon!

Ok the picture I have chosen does not really go with my blog and my style ... but that's how I'm feeling right now ...

Friend or foe?!

A few years ago I had heard about this quack doc in Lebanon who told you what to eat according to your blood type. Based on conversations I had with his patients, he was a wacky quacky!

Again a few months back friends of mine had paid $550 for a consultation based on the theory of eating according to your blood type...not sure if this really worked for my friends or not, because they didnt follow up on it...

Yesterday a colleague shared with me a document on "eat right for your blood type". According to this document, everything I am eating right now is WRONG!!!!!
Not sure how accurate this document is or if it is beneficial...
I started doing research some research on this theory and found out that Dr. Peter D'Adamo is the guy who popularized this method with his book ‘eat right for your type’. This is the link to his website: http://www.dadamo.com/
He has been criticised mainly because he has never conducted any test and control experiments on the blood type theory diet. I will need to do more research on this and ofcourse share my results ;)

Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess!

After the lovely episodes of losing my mojo-ness, I am now working on getting my mojolation back into action!

First things first, I need to give a few updates on my progress.

Progress Report I

Since Feb 1st till Feb 20th, I had lost 0.5 kg...woohooo!
Since Feb 21st till March 1st, I regained the 0.5 kg...boohoo!

Progress Report Summary

No Progress

Wayforward

Do not lose hope. Although, keeping up the will power and not losing hope is very tough. It's hard to imagine the light at the end of the tunnel. But I just pretend that it is there and hope that my faith will keep me going on. I still have a few months (and the rest of my life!) to keep up my new regimen/lifestyle.

Carrot Stick

This week my company is having a huge red carpet dinner affair. Dont really feel like going to the fancy shmansy do. But it seems the dinner will have a local jazz band play there. If it's the same jazz band that played under my house a few weeks back, then I recall the drop hot gorgeous bassist...drool drool...*sigh*
I sit and dream that he will come up to me and say: "I like a woman with an arse you can park a bike in and balance a pint of beer on."

I need to get my act together! I have 2 days to lose 20Kilos!

Breathe in. Breathe out. Think zen. Think happy thoughts. Think reality.

I need to get me some bridget jones style knickers! Something to tuck in my tummy fat, suck in my thighs, and give me marilyn monroe curves, yikes! Where the hell am i going to find that? In a few days! Panic panic, sweat sweat, breathe in breathe out...

Two days is a LONG way from now...a lot can happen...I can wake up tomorrow looking like Cindy Fucking Crawford! Woohoo! I am feeling much better now!

Losing my Mojo!

Wait Vanessa, I can explain. You see, I was looking for Dr. Evil when the Fembots came out and smoke started coming out of their jomblies. So I started to work my mojo, to counter their mojo; we got cross-mojulation, and their heads started exploding. 

 Well, that's not really how it happened...I wish it had happened like that...waaaaaa!!!


Ok, first, apologies for being MIA for more than 2 weeks! Yes, I am a bad bombastica...
But, I can explain...really I can!


So, this is how it all started...


I sent out an email to 4 girls. Dont know these girls too well, but they seem like friendly chicks...a bit 'poshiesh' for me, but what the heck, who am I to judge?! We had been planning an outing for several weeks and FINALLY we arranged for us to go out to some hip and happening place in Dubai. Wohhoooo!!!


Got dressed, looking as bombasticay as I can (for the time being it's good enough). Anyway, I didnt want to be late to the 'dinner and drinks', so I arrived there on time. And I waited...and I waited...and then I sms'ed...and waited...


Cut a boring story short, I got ditched by FOUR girls. I wish I had been ditched by FOUR Fembots...then I would have understood the mess up. But REALLY?! Four girls stood me up, like what the fuck! So uncool, totally uncool.


I suddenly (and sadly realized) that I have lost my mojo. 
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!


My weekend didn't end there. I decided to do some kick boxing that weekend. I used to love training at kick boxing (back in my 20's - my early 20's - ok, when I was 21). 
I put on my gloves, I got into position, then I started. 1, 2, upper jab. 1, 2, upper jab. 1, 2, upper jab, kick. 1, 2, faint. 3, 4, help me Charlie (my personal trainer), 5, 6, I am dying, need to breathe, need help. Need breathhhhhh....Need resuscitation...Helpppp meeeee!


It was the longest 1 hour of my life. A slap in the face. A slap to my mojo. I am no longer 20. I look 20. I sometimes act 20. But I have the body and physical fitness of a 40 year old. 
I am losing my groove (do people even still use that word?)! 


Hmmm. Lessons learned:

• Dont go out with girls who are not Fembots
• Who cares if I'm stood up by girls...especially if they are poshy! And to quote Austin: Well, no offense, but if that is a woman it looks like she was beaten with an ugly stick!  
• Dont kick box if you are over thirty and everything will be tip top! 

The Gyno Nazi

Had quite an interesting and jaw dropping experience last thursday. I had a gyno doc appointment. The doc was German. She reminded me of my school principal...but with a bushier hair-do...
This is a few snippets of our conversation...

Gyno Nazi: Vaat is wrong wiz u?
Me: ummmm, nothing really, just a regular yearly check up
Gyno Nazi: Well, zere haz to be somezing wrong wiz u...or elze ze insurunce wont pay!
Me: ummm, alright, well I do have severe pms symptoms...night sweats, stomach aches, major water retention, etc.
Gyno Nazi: You are uverweight!
Me: yes, yes I am...I have gained weight in Dubai...
Gyno Nazi: Khow much you gain?
Me: Around 20 kilos...
Gyno Nazi: And you are cumplaining about ze pmz zymptoms! Luuk at your receding herline and your zeets! Ven vus zee last time you had a buyfriend?
Me: Around a year ago...
Gyno Nazi: Vell ofcurse you have zee weird pmz! You have gained all zis weight! You have to lose ze weight and get back to your nurmal zize. And you swut all niiite...how veel you ever have a buyfriend? You veel swut all over heeem...he vill run away frum you!
Me: Ummm, yes, I guess, well I should go jump out of the window now...